Matt "sexual rain man" Murdock | Daredevil (
blindfighter) wrote2015-11-20 11:39 pm
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There was a time when I was good, but there are witches in the woods.
It's around 630 when Matt stops pretending to be asleep.
Though that's a lie, just a tad--Matt has slept. On and off, on his silk sheets and curled up naked with another man in what feels like forever. It's nice, and for a few hours it lasts. It really and truly lasts, and Matt can hear the steady beating of Tim's heart. He can hear every creak as his bones adjust, can still smell scotch and bourbon as he exhales in his sleep. It's not the kind that's overwhelming, it's natural and in a way comforting.
But it's still another person and Matt Murdock is used to being alone. He's used to not getting close.
He's used to one night stands and relationships that barely last a month, if that. He's used to Foggy clapping him on the shoulder and telling him there'll be more.
He's used to going to their place. This is the first time he's brought someone home.
Someone here.
He's brought people over, but not for a one night stand. This is a different circumstance in many ways--mostly that they're going to see each other again. They're going to pass each other in the courtrooms even if they're not going to actively see each other although, if Matt's being honest, he does want to. It had been one of the best lays in a while.
And that's how, at exactly 6:40 in the morning, Matt Murdock decides he can't get used to it just yet. So instead, he gets to work. Turns the alarm off to let Tim sleep in, gets half-dressed (socks, slacks and a dress shirt, the first few buttons undone and the collar a little rumpled), and is in the kitchen. He gets to work.
If this is a one-night stand with special circumstances, he may as well make breakfast. That includes half a grapefruit for each of them, fresh fruit, and Matt himself is in the middle of cooking up some of the bacon and eggs. Simple and scrambled, but if there's one thing Matt can do better than most thanks to his olfactory senses being heightened, it's cook.
Though that's a lie, just a tad--Matt has slept. On and off, on his silk sheets and curled up naked with another man in what feels like forever. It's nice, and for a few hours it lasts. It really and truly lasts, and Matt can hear the steady beating of Tim's heart. He can hear every creak as his bones adjust, can still smell scotch and bourbon as he exhales in his sleep. It's not the kind that's overwhelming, it's natural and in a way comforting.
But it's still another person and Matt Murdock is used to being alone. He's used to not getting close.
He's used to one night stands and relationships that barely last a month, if that. He's used to Foggy clapping him on the shoulder and telling him there'll be more.
He's used to going to their place. This is the first time he's brought someone home.
Someone here.
He's brought people over, but not for a one night stand. This is a different circumstance in many ways--mostly that they're going to see each other again. They're going to pass each other in the courtrooms even if they're not going to actively see each other although, if Matt's being honest, he does want to. It had been one of the best lays in a while.
And that's how, at exactly 6:40 in the morning, Matt Murdock decides he can't get used to it just yet. So instead, he gets to work. Turns the alarm off to let Tim sleep in, gets half-dressed (socks, slacks and a dress shirt, the first few buttons undone and the collar a little rumpled), and is in the kitchen. He gets to work.
If this is a one-night stand with special circumstances, he may as well make breakfast. That includes half a grapefruit for each of them, fresh fruit, and Matt himself is in the middle of cooking up some of the bacon and eggs. Simple and scrambled, but if there's one thing Matt can do better than most thanks to his olfactory senses being heightened, it's cook.
no subject
His heart aches. It's not Tim--Tim is perfect, flaws and all. Tim is a masterpiece of a human being, strong but cracked, able to pick himself up time after time. Matt is stuck on his father. Matt is stuck on Stick.
He closes his eyes, listening, for a moment, but not at Tim--Tim has finished talking, and Matt is focusing on other things. Of a girl screaming as someone mugs her. Of people hustling in an alleyway. Of a hooker selling herself to an older man in a car, and of a brawl just outside of a bar.
When he opens his eyes, his grip is a little stronger.
"I'm disaster," he says quietly, and he means it as his face falls. He tries--tries--not to look hopeful. He doesn't think he succeeds.
"But I--I like that I'm here for you." He just can't be all the time. "I like that conversation, or no conversation, it's natural." But I have to leave. He licks his lips, unfocused gaze somewhere on the coffee table. "--I want this. I want us, even if inevitably it's going to crash and burn."
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It's unfair of him to ask Matt to stick around through his issues, to deal with all the baggage that he comes with. Matt deserves better. He deserves somebody unbroken and whole, somebody who didn't lose the best parts of themselves to a war. Somebody less fucked up.
But Matt's not saying no. There is no it's not a good idea. Just I want this, on that isn't even followed by a but. His fingers tighten briefly around Matt's before letting go completely, scooting closer and reaching up to take the other's face between his hands. His thumbs touch Matt's cheekbones, just shy of brushing over an old, fading bruise. Maybe Matt is disaster. He keeps secrets and comes home with cuts and bruises the way Tim went to school with them. He possesses a dangerous, white-hot rage that never fails to make Tim's stomach knot up, despite himself. Despite knowing that Matt would never lay a mean hand on him.
Maybe he's disaster, but he's disaster that Tim's fallen in love with.
"I am, too," he says quietly, and it's hard to tell what, specifically, he's responding to, or if he's responding to all of it as a whole. He tips Matt's chin until that unfocused gaze is directed more towards him. "Maybe it'll crash and burn. But if it does, I want to make the most of it."
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He can hear Tim's heart beating rapidly, adrenaline spiking. Can feel all of his nerves and if he concentrates hard enough he's sure he can hear the tension in his neck as his muscles wrap around bone.
But he hears truth in Tim's voice. He ventures that he hears hope, too, which is what Matt is currently praying for. In his head, before he speaks and as he moves a hand up to Tim's face and actually touches the side of it, fingers roaming, he actually does pray.
"Does that mean we're dating?" He asks, and it's so earnest and such a quick blurting out of his phrase that he can't help but laugh at himself.
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Maybe this will crash and burn, just like Matt said. Maybe one or the both of them will manage to destroy it, but Tim plans on holding onto it for as long as he can.
He laughs a little bit too, soft and breathless and just a touch drunk. Matt didn't break things off, didn't shut Tim down, and it's not even awkward now. He'd walked in the door with only the tiniest sliver of hope and now it's actually happening somehow. He leans forward a little bit more until his forehead rests against Matt's, closing his eyes.
"That's what I want it to mean," he says quietly, and all he wants to do is tip his head just so and kiss Matt on the mouth, but he refrains, waiting for Matt's response.
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"Then yes," Matt says simply, their foreheads touching, his hand on the others, and he ignores the fact that Tim has hot tea in his hands and instead tilts his head to kiss him on the mouth, not rough but longing, and the hand on Tim's face goes to the other's neck, gently placing fingers on the side of it, tender and fragile much like the moment.
He tries to ignore that all of this is going to change tomorrow when he goes after Fisk. When he gets his revenge for the bombings.
When he isn't sure he'll come out alive.
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It's a mess, but it's them. And that's what makes it perfect, honestly. It's them, and that's all Tim's wanted for a very long time. To know that he means as much to Matt as Matt does to him. He doubts Matt's stupidly in love the way Tim is, but that doesn't matter right now. This is a start. And it's a very, very good start.
He's going to have to call his mother tomorrow. She'll probably insist that he bring Matt down for Thanksgiving.
Tim sets the tea down on the coffee table without looking, somehow managing to do it without dropping it on the floor, and brings a hand up to touch Matt's face as they kiss. It's not rough and bruising the way it normally is, but gentle and longing and loving and it's perfect. Everything's absolutely perfect.