Tim thinks his heart might beat out of his chest at this rate. It thumps quick and hard in his chest, all anticipation and worry and hope. Waiting for Matt to shut him down, waiting for the inevitable it's not a good idea, and just hoping beyond hope that it doesn't happen. That, for once, this sort of thing actually works out in his favor.
It's unfair of him to ask Matt to stick around through his issues, to deal with all the baggage that he comes with. Matt deserves better. He deserves somebody unbroken and whole, somebody who didn't lose the best parts of themselves to a war. Somebody less fucked up.
But Matt's not saying no. There is no it's not a good idea. Just I want this, on that isn't even followed by a but. His fingers tighten briefly around Matt's before letting go completely, scooting closer and reaching up to take the other's face between his hands. His thumbs touch Matt's cheekbones, just shy of brushing over an old, fading bruise. Maybe Matt is disaster. He keeps secrets and comes home with cuts and bruises the way Tim went to school with them. He possesses a dangerous, white-hot rage that never fails to make Tim's stomach knot up, despite himself. Despite knowing that Matt would never lay a mean hand on him.
Maybe he's disaster, but he's disaster that Tim's fallen in love with.
"I am, too," he says quietly, and it's hard to tell what, specifically, he's responding to, or if he's responding to all of it as a whole. He tips Matt's chin until that unfocused gaze is directed more towards him. "Maybe it'll crash and burn. But if it does, I want to make the most of it."
no subject
It's unfair of him to ask Matt to stick around through his issues, to deal with all the baggage that he comes with. Matt deserves better. He deserves somebody unbroken and whole, somebody who didn't lose the best parts of themselves to a war. Somebody less fucked up.
But Matt's not saying no. There is no it's not a good idea. Just I want this, on that isn't even followed by a but. His fingers tighten briefly around Matt's before letting go completely, scooting closer and reaching up to take the other's face between his hands. His thumbs touch Matt's cheekbones, just shy of brushing over an old, fading bruise. Maybe Matt is disaster. He keeps secrets and comes home with cuts and bruises the way Tim went to school with them. He possesses a dangerous, white-hot rage that never fails to make Tim's stomach knot up, despite himself. Despite knowing that Matt would never lay a mean hand on him.
Maybe he's disaster, but he's disaster that Tim's fallen in love with.
"I am, too," he says quietly, and it's hard to tell what, specifically, he's responding to, or if he's responding to all of it as a whole. He tips Matt's chin until that unfocused gaze is directed more towards him. "Maybe it'll crash and burn. But if it does, I want to make the most of it."