Tim takes the cup of tea, gaze lowered as Matt's hand slides up his arm. It's warm, like the cup he holds between his hands, making him realize again how cold he is. He takes a sip, a little bitter and tasting strongly of peppermint. It warms him from the inside out, but mostly, it makes him miss Kentucky's too-sweet iced tea.
Still, he's grateful for it, letting it hover against his mouth so the steam warms his face.
"I think it's safe to say we're both used to fuckin' these things up," he mutters, and while it's not directed at Matt, it's loud enough for the other to hear.
He sets the cup aside and reaches out, finding Matt's hand and curling his cold fingers around the other's warm ones. He finds it very hard to believe that Matt's capable of fucking anything up, least of all something like this. He knows Matt's not perfect, but as far as Tim's concerned, he comes pretty damn close.
He's not sure what it is about tonight. Maybe it's the scent of Matt on the blanket and the warm, dry clothes he's wearing. Maybe it's the rain outside or Matt's hand in his. Probably, it's just the alcohol in his system, but whatever it is, he doesn't find himself closing off the way he normally would under the weight of such an emotionally heavy conversation. Instead, he finds himself being painfully honest.
But probably? It's being acutely aware of absolutely everything he has to lose and gain from all of this.
"Sometime after I got back from Afghanistan, I stopped tryin' to make relationships work. I came back with a lot of-- a lot of issues that nobody wanted to deal with, and I never blamed 'em. It was easier to not bother. And now, every time I wake up from a nightmare or we have to change tables at a restaurant because I can't sit with my back to the room, I expect it to be the last straw. I expect you to decide that it's just not worth the trouble."
His fingers tighten marginally around Matt's, and he realizes that he's spent this entire time looking at their joined hands. Not that Matt can tell one way or the other, but he looks up anyway, gaze trained on the other's unfocused eyes.
"But you're still here. And I still wanna be here. And I don't care if it gets rough, or you fuck up, because God knows I'm goin' to. I think it'll be worth it."
no subject
Still, he's grateful for it, letting it hover against his mouth so the steam warms his face.
"I think it's safe to say we're both used to fuckin' these things up," he mutters, and while it's not directed at Matt, it's loud enough for the other to hear.
He sets the cup aside and reaches out, finding Matt's hand and curling his cold fingers around the other's warm ones. He finds it very hard to believe that Matt's capable of fucking anything up, least of all something like this. He knows Matt's not perfect, but as far as Tim's concerned, he comes pretty damn close.
He's not sure what it is about tonight. Maybe it's the scent of Matt on the blanket and the warm, dry clothes he's wearing. Maybe it's the rain outside or Matt's hand in his. Probably, it's just the alcohol in his system, but whatever it is, he doesn't find himself closing off the way he normally would under the weight of such an emotionally heavy conversation. Instead, he finds himself being painfully honest.
But probably? It's being acutely aware of absolutely everything he has to lose and gain from all of this.
"Sometime after I got back from Afghanistan, I stopped tryin' to make relationships work. I came back with a lot of-- a lot of issues that nobody wanted to deal with, and I never blamed 'em. It was easier to not bother. And now, every time I wake up from a nightmare or we have to change tables at a restaurant because I can't sit with my back to the room, I expect it to be the last straw. I expect you to decide that it's just not worth the trouble."
His fingers tighten marginally around Matt's, and he realizes that he's spent this entire time looking at their joined hands. Not that Matt can tell one way or the other, but he looks up anyway, gaze trained on the other's unfocused eyes.
"But you're still here. And I still wanna be here. And I don't care if it gets rough, or you fuck up, because God knows I'm goin' to. I think it'll be worth it."